just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
