Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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