Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
