Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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