it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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