Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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