thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
