you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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