does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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