how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
