Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
