goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
