i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
