don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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