My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
