: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
