I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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