ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
