im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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