he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
