Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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