in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
