There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
