"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
