I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if only i could text you this smell
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
