so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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