You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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