That's intense
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
