....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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