worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
