I just pynch a tree in the face
I puked a lego.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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