Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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