you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
