This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
