I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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