I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
