; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
high people should be assigned attendants
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
