I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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