It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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