I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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