I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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