the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
