Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
