I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
