Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
