Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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