We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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