saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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