Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
