Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
