new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
In other news, I just burned my penis
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
