Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
