I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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