after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
