I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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