Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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