I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
