Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
