Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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