dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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