so explain again why im purple
no
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
A+ Viking dick
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize