Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
