so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
