I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
