you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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