I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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