My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
