Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
