summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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