Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
