someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
