U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
