So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
