haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
