If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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