How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
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Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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