I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
