I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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