My friends, they love my intelligence
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
