Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
