Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
