she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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