My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
