I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
