oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize